The best laid plans ... gang aft agley

In reading the Scot Robert Burns (1785) poem, "To a Mouse", a particular passage reflects succinctly how many times the best laid plans at work or in our personal lives have either completely fallen apart or deviated from the intended course.

"... But Mousie, thou art no thy-lane,

In proving foresight may be vain;

The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men

Gang aft agley,

An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,

For promis'd joy!" [1]

Often, it seems some random event interferes with our plans then completely changes the outcome.

When I was younger I fully embraced following the conventional wisdom of setting goals, making plans for the future, erecting road markers so I could measure if I was achieving my objectives in life. I read books about setting up your life for success. I attended workshops and

seminars on how to achieve your dreams and find proactive ways to improve your life. I spent countless hours, time and money only to wonder why, despite all my efforts, nothing seem to work out as I planned and my targets seemed to get farther and farther away.

I went round and round on the 1) plan, 2) actions, 3) follow through, 4) measure, 5) reassess - getting a tiny bit forward but spending more time on the round and round. It wasn't working. Why? After all, I had these great resources at hand, countless examples of success. What was I doing wrong?

It seemed the harder I tried to work towards a goal the more seemingly random events would occur knocking me off my planned path. I began to think I was either jinxed or I wasn't as good as someone else who appeared to have achieved success and their dreams. I'd take one step forward only to find myself three steps back.

At first I thought the 'why' were these random events. They would change something so I couldn't proceed forward with my plans, or would alter something causing me to veer from my set course. Oh ... how I thought I was the victim of these random circumstances.

I went into despair thinking I was powerless against these greater forces. After I dug my way out of despair, anger surfaced. I would show them (the ubiquitous 'them') who was better! So off to achieving my goals I went, back with fresh determination ... only to find myself, again, on the round and round.

Until, one day, I just stopped.

I looked at what I was doing. I paid attention to me instead of doing my goals. I asked why I was doing what I was doing. What I discovered was a bit surprising - I found I was doing what I was taught to do. I was taught the formula for success was in making plans, setting goals, being proactive and following through. I'd find happiness once all these actions were taken and the goal reached. My dreams would come true.

I felt confused, anxious, dissatisfied, not good enough, unworthy, flawed ... if only I could achieve my goals, be the person I wanted to be, be the person others wanted for me, then all these feelings would vanish and I would have proven myself. I'd be happy.

I was doing what I was taught but then realized I never learned who I was. Prove myself to whom? Against what? Why did I have to prove myself at all? What was really driving me to accomplish these life 'goals'? Another surprise - I found my feelings were actually running the show.

At that moment I understood I had lost myself to the 'doing' of my life.

From that moment I made a promise to myself to re-discover who I was. I didn't know what that would mean or bring to my life. I was fearful that I would do the 'wrong thing' or go down the 'wrong path' as this isn't what I was taught, shown or told how to do. A part of me rationalized it couldn't be any worse than it already was (it was pretty horrific).

Then I felt a bigger, subtler, more loving part of me that knew - by letting go of my expectations of life, the expectations of others, and just 'trusting' - that everything would turn out.

Trust? Why should I trust? I had been 'taught' by life that when I trusted it always came back to hurt me. I couldn't 'trust' anyone, not my family, not my friends, certainly not strangers or acquaintances. Trust was not something I did.

But this was different, that subtle part knew ... this was about learning to 'trust' ... mySelf.

I let go. I let the emotions wash over me. I cried deep, long and hard. I had hit a core long hidden within - I had begun the journey back to mySelf.

The road going forward from that pivotal point didn't immediately become easier. The 'hell' of my making was still there but the journey became richer, fuller, more interesting with a deeper sense of happiness that comes from consciously experiencing life rather than unconsciously 'doing' life.

My goals were no longer to achieve this, that or the other thing. Instead, they became to explore this life experience, to re-discover who I am, to re-gain what I had forgotten, to re-member with my power. I placed 'trust' in mySelf to know what to do, when I needed to do it. To 'trust' that I would be taken care of (by mySelf) along the journey of re-discovery. To 'know' that I am fully capable of creating a human life perfectly manifesting my dreams.

Here I sit, today, looking back - connecting the dots of this journey - and realizing I have experienced, along the way, a life of learning to Be Human, of living my dreams - without 'doing'.

My life is full of magic, miracles, whimsy and synchronicities beyond belief. I am re-discovering the sheer joy of each experience and the power deep within to transform life. Each experience is a connection back to Self and the source of creation.

I am re-discovering one of the secrets of the Universe: achieving more by simply Being.

And all those 'random' events ... they saved my life.

_______________________

[1] Burns, Robert, To a Mouse, on Turning Her Up in Her Nest with the Plough, November, 1785